(Read the preceding part of this story on our website.)
(Part 2/2) I started reading pornographic novels when I was 12. It then progressed to porn magazines and then I started watching it. I spent so much money on porn that if I had saved all the money, it would have been enough to buy myself a fairly used car.
So after I stopped smoking weed, I was still struggling with porn. It was so bad that during fasting, after I finished, I would go straight to porn. Because I studied psychology, I tried several techniques, I read different books and it would seem like I’d broken off but after 2 months I would be back at it.
There came a time when I wanted to give up on Christianity. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that I’d found purpose and at every point where I wanted to give up, purpose would just keep nagging at me. I’d hear God say, “I didn’t bring you this far to leave you. I’m still working in you.”
It wasn’t until I discovered that you couldn’t resist addictions on your own that I broke free.
I discovered James 4:7 in the Bible. At different times, people had quoted this scripture to me emphasising, “Resist the devil and he’ll flee from you.” But nobody ever mentioned the first part of that verse which says “Submit yourself to God.” Jude 24 also says that: “He is the only wise God who is able to keep you from falling.” But I came to understand He is able to keep me from falling only when I submit to Him. So my strategy changed.
I discovered James 4:7 in the Bible. At different times, people had quoted this scripture to me emphasising, “Resist the devil and he’ll flee from you.” But nobody ever mentioned the first part of that verse which says “Submit yourself to God.” Jude 24 also says that: “He is the only wise God who is able to keep you from falling.” But I came to understand He is able to keep me from falling only when I submit to Him. So my strategy changed.
My longing for porn would come in seasons and at every point they came, I knew it was time for separation. The first thing I did was turn to the Holy Spirit and ask Him for help. One way or the other the urge would die and then I would fast. As I share this, I won’t say I don’t still get urges to look at porn, but because I have found a strategy that works for me, every time they come, I apply it.
I don’t know why God didn’t just stop the porn addiction as abruptly as He did the weed addiction, but what I do know is He’s a mysterious God. His ways are not like ours and eventually when I meet Him, I’ll ask why.