I was born into a polygamous family. I was the only child for my mum and it took 8 years for my little brother to arrive.
I was molested by the Army personnel in the compound. It was an embassy. They would pull down my pants and touch my genitals. They would threaten to beat me if I told my mum. I was only 4. This went on for a while with different people, including my uncle. I learnt to bottle up my emotions. An accident made things worse. I had scars on my forehead, cheeks, hands and legs. I felt unwanted and grew up with fear.
When I got into secondary school, it was just my mum who took care of everything, because my dad was always saying he didn’t have money. He was spending on my step siblings and even borrowing to pay with interest but when it was my turn, he never had. I used to tell my mum that I really wished I could change my father. The pressure was much on my mum and I really didn’t want to disturb her with my problems. So, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my feelings while growing up.
After my Youth Service, I got a job and became close to my boss because for the first time in my life I felt someone understood me. I fell in love with him and even gave him my virginity. I would console myself that at least he loved and understood me. He talked to me about marriage. I felt at peace, only to realise that it was a ploy to use me and dump me, which he did.
I was broken. I didn’t care anymore. I lost hope and started living anyhow since the only thing that mattered to me that I kept for 22 years was gone (my virginity). I didn’t have respect for my body anymore. I hated my life. I just wanted the ground to open up to swallow me. I always cursed my boss even though I still worked with him.
I stumbled upon the UNFILTERED page. As I read different people’s stories, my eyes became teary. I then realized I had bottled up more than I could take. I realised that I can live and be trauma-free. It took me 2 weeks to make this bold step to share my story.
I really want to heal and have a normal life again. I’m glad that God is helping me to recover.