I don’t know if I’m happy, but I’m alive

When I was two years old, I had an accident that would change my life forever. I fractured my left leg and despite all the medical procedures to fix it, it left me with a limp. I lived with this reality, not necessarily seeking any attention from the male folk, then this man asked me out. 

This was the first time I was getting into a proper relationship where I didn’t feel like I was being ‘managed’. So when he proposed to me, I was very happy. We arranged to meet his mum, whom I had never met physically, but had a good virtual relationship with. The state we lived in was far from his own state so it was a pretty long journey to meet his mum. We planned to spend about a week there, so we packed a lot of luggage and she offered to pick us up from the park. As soon as she saw me, her countenance changed.

I was already very uncomfortable on the ride home. When we arrived at her house, we had not yet settled down when she told me, without mincing words, that there was no way her only child would marry a deformed woman. She said I was manipulative for not telling her about my problem all the times we spoke on the phone and chatted. I was humiliated and broken. When my fiance tried to intervene, she shut him up. I spent the night there but left the following morning. I felt so terrible after that experience that I became suicidal. God helped me heal quickly, and with the help of my friends, I picked myself up again.

Many years later, I went into another relationship. This time, I asked the man to inform his family about my physical appearance. I wasn’t in for any ridicule again. He claimed he did, and that they didn’t mind. I met his elder sister in his house on one of my visits. She looked at me with some disdain. After that day, my fiance never called, visited, or connected with me again. For some reason, I was very indifferent, and I even made jokes about it with my friends.

Since then, I’ve been immersed in making myself happy. I’ve dedicated all my life to schooling. I’ve just concluded my Master’s degree and I’m looking to start studying for a Ph.D. I don’t know if I’m happy, but I’m alive.

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