I was sexually abused from age 6 to 11 years. Most of it came from friends and family who were supposed to protect me. I never told anyone about it because I was so ashamed. What my parents were trying to protect me from had eventually happened, so I couldn’t open up to them. There were nights I would cry myself to sleep and hope & pray that by morning the pain would be gone. But, I would only wake up to a deeper pain. I remember mornings I would cry in the bathroom from pain from cleaning my genitals, then coming out and pretending that everything was perfect. I struggled with depression, rejection and anger. I was suicidal and always angry at everything and anyone who couldn’t relate to the fact that I was angry at life. I wanted more than anything to see the abusers suffer, and that wasn’t happening, so it made me even angrier. I thought I was the only one in the world being abused. I had so many “why me” questions for God. 

Because of all the struggles going on in my life, I came to the conclusion that I was a total failure. I didn’t want to be part of anything good or honourable because of how I saw myself. I had the mind and attitude of a failure. And I did fail at virtually everything. My abuse was an excuse for being who I chose to be. I had a choice to either play by the rules and be miserable or live a purposeful life. There was a lot of chaos in my life, then I found God. And no, my healing didn’t come immediately, but I eventually found peace. I’m in a very good place now. I am totally in love with my life. When I walk by a mirror, I smile and I breathe.

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