(Read the preceding part of this story on our website.)
(Part 2/2) When I got into university, a friend invited me to a fellowship and I met God again. People say they have a dramatic meeting with God and all their sins fall away and they lose interest in sinning, but this wasn’t my case.
With each passing day, I started knowing more and received grace and strength until eventually I stopped masturbating. Then I had issues with relationships. I had always wanted one that was pleasing to God but things managed to spiral downwards into sexual intimacy. I started waiting on God for a spouse and stayed single.
All kinds of eligible guys came around but I turned them down because many of them didn’t care so much about God. But after several years of believing and living the ‘good girl’ life, I started to feel as though something was wrong with me since nothing could be wrong with God. I wouldn’t admit it to myself but I felt God had failed me.
I went back to the mode of comforting my emotions with sexual indulgence. I got involved with a guy at work and was friends with benefits for a while but my spirit wouldn’t just let me rest. So I called it off after a lot of struggle.
All this while, I was going to church and being honest with God about my struggles, failings, anger and disappointment. He heard. He helped me say no to those things which were obviously eating at me. I rediscovered my relationship with God, but I still masturbated for a while.
It’s been almost two years now since I stopped. I still make mistakes but I rise and don’t stay in it. I know God loves me regardless of where I’ve been. I’m accepted and a treasure. God and I are working together to make something great out of this life of mine.