(Part 1/4) Service year was rounding to a close and I did not have any lady to call a future wife. I remember God telling me that I would meet my future wife during my National Youth Service (NYSC) and that she would be a south-western lady. I constantly looked at my journal where I had written that prophecy God had given me personally.
I had just ended a relationship of 3 years because I saw that it would take a lot of work for both of us to get along. Added to that was that we both lacked self-control and almost had sex on several occasions. I knew we had to end it if we didn’t want to both suffer the consequences.
Now here I was, serving in Jos on the Plateau, with ladies I could choose from. I definitely needed a divine hand to be able to choose appropriately. I made one cardinal rule to guide me in future relationships. Whatever feelings I had for any lady, I would consult my Father and friend before making any move. Alongside this guideline were also four things I considered were very crucial to my marital success.
First and foremost, she had to be born-again and an ardent pursuer of God. Secondly, she had to be my friend. We should be able to talk about anything and everything. She should be able to tell me things as they are & be confident and free to express her feelings about everything. Thirdly, she had to have a great sense of humour. I couldn’t marry someone who wouldn’t get a joke I shared on Monday morning until Tuesday evening *laughs*. And lastly, she must be resourceful; able to make the best of whatever she had, whether plenty or little.
As I related with many of the ladies who lived in the Christian Fellowship family house during NYSC, those were the things that guided my interactions.
(Part 2/4) Whenever I discovered I developed an interest in a lady, I would immediately talk to God about it. The conversation usually went something like this – “Father God I’ve discovered that I really like (I’d mention the lady’s name). The way she smiles just melts my heart and I think I really like her. But then I’d like you to tell me what you think. Is she the one I should marry?” On some occasions, immediately after the prayers, he would nudge my heart and I would know she wasn’t the one. On other occasions, I would know she wasn’t the one after a few days of interactions. She would suddenly “disqualify” herself.
However, there was one particular lady that I couldn’t get a specific answer from the Lord about. We had developed a great friendship. Mind you, I had become friends with other ladies as a result of my role as the Publicity Secretary of the NCCF.
One day, I came back from my place of primary assignment upset about how my day went and this sister offered to listen to my frustration. She asked me if I wanted to take a walk with her and since we had become good friends, I felt I needed the company. For the next 20 minutes or so, we were walking and talking. She listened intently to every word I said. We soon approached a suya stand and she asked me if I wanted some. I quickly told her I didn’t bring my wallet along and she promptly asked me if she was telling me to pay. I was taken aback.
Up until this moment, I had never had a lady buy me anything without me already having paid my dues before that time. She bought the suya for myself and her and paid. For the remaining 100 metres it took us to get back to the NCCF family house, I couldn’t get over what had happened. When I told a roommate, he just told me that she must really like me.
Service year soon wound to a close and still, there was no lady to call my own.
(Part 3/4) One day I was prayerfully considering my options. I thought of ladies within my circle that I could ask to marry me when I returned to Ibadan and I couldn’t think of any.
At that point, a thought crossed my mind, “What about Moji?” I told myself that she was a no-go area. We had both decided we would just be friends and wouldn’t allow the insinuations of people to push us into a love relationship.
However, the more I thought about those qualities that were important to me and asked God, the fonder I became of her. Then I knew I had fallen in love with her without knowing. The problem was how to tell her I loved and wanted to marry her without it appearing as if I was leading her on in our friendship? Wouldn’t that be a betrayal of trust? Besides, she was a University graduate and I was an HND holder.
I knew of her dreams to pursue a career in academics while I didn’t want to pursue any more academic degrees in Estate Management. So, I knew I had to be guided when I related with her. The more we talked, the more I was convinced about her but I just couldn’t get myself to talk to her about love. It seemed it was only NYSC that brought us into the same class. I toyed with the idea in my mind and I knew I had to develop courage to get the girl or else I would regret it all my life. So, I prayed to God for help.
(Part 4/4) On a Sunday, while in church, God sent me help. The pastor preached a message about being bold and courageous and he used the story of Jonathan and his armour bearer in 1 Samuel 14. When the pastor read the second part of verse 6, I knew God was talking to me. Convinced that the Lord had spoken to me to allay all my fears, I made up my mind to ask my friend to marry me. The worst that could happen was that she would say no.
I told her what was on my mind but instead of her giving a response, she just uttered a hasty goodnight and ran into the family house, shocked. At that point, I knew she never expected it! I felt I was in trouble.
She never gave me any answer the other morning and it took a lot for me to greet her. She didn’t give me any response still. It was as if I never said anything to her. I began writing love notes to her but after two weeks, I got tired and stopped altogether.
Then she called me one day, just before the evening devotion and I got one of the worst “talking-tos” of my life. One thing she said stuck, even till today. “You don’t raise a woman’s hopes for love and suddenly dash them”, she said. Apparently, all my love notes were etching a place in her heart and I thought I was just pouring water into a basket. I guess she was waiting for the right time to say yes.
That was 2003, some thirteen years ago. Today, we are still friends and lovers, with a beautiful family. Every time I think about us, I’m so glad God guided me. I’ve never regretted making that move to tell her I was in love with her. In fact, I still am.