(Part 1/2) As a teenager until my early twenties, I never liked my stature. I thought I was too thin, with little or no bum. I admired friends in school who were endowed. I wished I could be the same. Having gone to a private school where there were a lot of big girls, I was on my own. Nobody wanted to be my friend. I felt I could not join the social status some of the girls enjoyed.
So one day, I decided to help myself. At least, if you don’t have it, pretend that you have it. That morning, before going for morning assembly, I decided to add additional clothes under my clothes to look bigger. I folded them neatly and put them inside my clothes. I felt good. Isn’t this the way every girl was supposed to look? Appealing? Attractive?
We finished the morning assembly and as I was about to walk to my class with two friends, I heard it, ‘paaaaapaappapapapappa’ – the fall of the clothes scattered all over my legs, one after the other! As I tried to hold the clothes, it was as if they were on riot. One after the other, they scattered and fell on my legs. Everything I had padded inside was now on the floor under the full glare of everyone! A few minutes ago, I was feeling good with myself, cat walking and deliberately trying to catch the eyes of those boys who used to ignore me (especially the one who made it known to me that I was ugly and that no boy would find me attractive). I was embarrassed and ashamed. Disgrace and sadness enveloped me instantly.
The two friends beside me, who had turned to check what had startled me burst into shock and disbelief. One of them said, ‘Omoby, did you actually put those inside your clothes? You are pathetic! You can never be fat o! You are just so stupid! Do you think you can have my kind of body?’
(Part 2/2) My friends mocked me for trying to look bigger than I was by padding my clothes. One picked up the fallen items I had used to pad myself and handed them back to me. She said, ‘Omoby, let’s go. Everyone is laughing and looking at you.’
I wanted to die and my eyes welled up with hot tears. I only wanted to look bigger. I just wanted to feel good. Why did this happen to me? Another friend walked beside me. Her arms on my shoulders were soft and warm. It gave me the necessary comfort as I walked past the assembly ground to my class.
For the next few weeks, I was the talk of school. Everybody made snide remarks about me. Most times, I consciously shut my mind to such remarks.
I look back now and realize that I was on a journey of self-discovery and self-exploration. It was not a journey I got through overnight. I came to the point where I realized that believing the worst about me was not helping me at all. I needed to do something about it. Days were passing by. I was getting older. I was wasting lots of time wishing I could change myself. I wasn’t going to live on earth forever and if I spent the best part of my youth wishing I were someone else, wishing I was bigger, what time would I have left to do the things God called me to do?
Gradually, I came to terms with my stature and accepted that I may never be fat in my life time *laughs*. This is because we haven’t got fat genes in my family. When people mock me or talk about my stature I just laugh it off and I say, “Thank you.” When I am told stories of people who monitor their eating habits, spend huge amounts in gyms and on teas trying to shed weight, I realize that being slim is actually my blessing. I have learnt over the years to love and accept myself, just the way I am.