2/2 I never share this part of me because one time, the burden seemed to overwhelm me and I tried to confide in someone really close. I was called a liar with too much imagination. I just shut down. But last night, on a radio show in which I was speaking on the impact of divorce on children, I realized that I’ve been selfish. People need to know. Not because of me but because there are people that need healing and perhaps, from me they will know they can turn out okay.
How does this affect my ability to be a father? Well, for one, I overcompensate. I remember my son was naughty one time and I smacked him. I saw the pain in his eyes, a familiar look I couldn’t bear. I’ve not been able to smack him again because the look of pain reminded me of me.
It’s been over 30 years since my parents got separated and as much as I understand I was never the target for their pain, anguish, hate, trauma and tears, it didn’t stop me from being the victim. As the only child of the marriage, I was the “consequence” without which they would probably have healed faster. We all have different thresholds for pain. Mine isn’t very high.
Was there an option to my parents’ separation? I doubt it and I remember thinking, when I was younger, that they even stayed together too long. Folks, please do not marry for the wrong reasons. I know society wants you to get married, but trust me, society didn’t help my parents stay together.
Our society doesn’t support people like me. Soon, we may have a nation of broken people doing nothing but raising broken people who will break those that aren’t broken.
Does all if this make me less Christian? Less a lover of God? Does being a child of God “automatically” heal me? For some, yes. For me, no. But being a child of God gives me strength such that you’d read this and say, “Wow, I never knew”. Being a child of God means I can look beyond my pain and help you bear yours…if I can….if you’d let me.
Being a child of God allows me to free my parents. It allows me to free society. It allows me to free the child in me so he can rest. So he can heal. So that I too can be free.

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