Raised in a Christian home, I gave my life to Christ before the age of 10. But, I found myself struggling with existential questions by my teenage years. Were faith and the spiritual world real? How do I reconcile faith with my growing knowledge of science?

Halfway through secondary school, I drifted from faith. Not deliberately. I just started becoming interested in other things, like having fun. I still struggled with questions, but knew no one who was interested in processing my doubts with me.

At one point, I read a massive book by Robert Ingersoll: over 1000 pages (and double columns!) of him disparaging the Bible. When I was done, I tore it up and threw it away. It shook what faith I had left to its core, and I was uncomfortable exposing anyone else to that.

In university, I decided to formally drop Christianity instead of still pretending to believe in something I no longer cared about. I quit church, stopped praying and started joking that if I died, I knew I was headed for hell. I still believed Christianity contained truth; I just wasn’t interested in trying to live it out.

In my year two, which was my first year of medical school, I started to feel a deep emptiness and a meaninglessness to my life. I started becoming interested in darker music and literature that captured my disillusionment. I slowly started thinking about God and faith again and going to church & reading my Bible. Ecclesiastes really spoke to me. But I wasn’t committing yet.

Finally, the day (or rather, night) came. I was alone on a corridor, and for the first time, realised God was speaking to me. Nothing really supernatural; it just felt like I was having a conversation with myself in my own head, except I somehow knew it was God on the other end. Afterwards I said, “Okay, okay, fine! You want me to commit? You want my life? Fine, you can have it!” and I went to sleep, exhausted.

I woke up the next morning with the thought, “What have I gotten myself into?” But I felt sure I’d done the right thing. Years later, I can say giving in to God was the best decision I ever took.

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