When I changed cities to pursue my career, I thought I knew exactly what I’d be doing. Opportunities opened up, but I realised I was not as good as I thought I was. I tried for about a year, but I was not getting it right. It was a struggle, not the kind that comes with learning and growing, but the kind that comes with trying to force myself to learn something I had lost interest in.
I got anxious. I’ve always thought of myself as a wild card, but this career path had been a constant. I always knew I wanted to be in the arts, and I thought this was going to be my way in. People knew me for this, and even if I didn’t think I was any good, I kept going over how silly I would look when my latest interest became yet another failed experiment. I had bills to pay and a life to build.
At the time, I did not have a day job, and contracts were not coming in. A friend tagged me on a post about a job offer for the most junior role in the space I now had an interest in. I applied and got it. I worked there for two years. When the contracts came, I enjoyed working; but I could barely afford my bills and I was afraid this was all I would get. There was no way up for me in the organisation. I knew that all I could hope to get from the company was the experience, yet the contracts were not coming in often.
One day I realized I was not consciously looking for other jobs, so I started. A company finally got back to me. They wanted me for the skills I had learnt in the last two years; the skills I enjoyed honing. The pay is way better than my former company.
When I resumed, I struggled a lot, but I have found my feet. I still feel like a fraud, though. Sometimes I think if my colleagues knew how many times I consult Google before responding to emails, they would be pissed; but I am happy that I like what I do.
It has been three years since I went for this career path and the doors are opening in spaces I could only have dreamt of. I have decided that it’s okay for my interests to change. I am almost certain they will. Maybe that too is a kind of growth.